


From Now On

by Musicania



Series: Jackbum Title Fics [8]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, OT7 feels, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-04 08:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20467889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musicania/pseuds/Musicania
Summary: It had been a month since he'd turned Jaebum down. But with every passing day Jackson found himself feeling more like he'd made a huge mistake. With the help and blessing from his members Jackson realizes what it is he really wants, and prays that he isn't too late.(Continuation of Please Stop)





	From Now On

**Author's Note:**

> New Readers: If you want you can find out more about this series and get caught up on previous works [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1411069)
> 
> This fic is the continuation of Please Stop. If you haven't read it I would highly recommend reading it first. This one will just make so much more sense if you do. You can find Please Stop [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19900780)
> 
> This fic is based on 'Never Ever' which was released in March 2017 off of their album Flight Log: Arrival

Jackson had been awake for well over an hour now. He should have gotten up and made breakfast. Or made his way to his home gym to work out. Or called his mother like he'd promised he'd do. 

What was Jackson doing instead? Lying in bed watching fancams of Jaebum from the JUS2 concerts. He should stop, Jackson knew this, but one video would come to an end and he'd just find himself clicking on another. Jaebum just looked so good Jackson couldn't look away. 

He'd thought about how he'd rejected Jaebum about ten times a day and regretted it at least five of those times. He'd only seen Jaebum a handful of times since he'd cowardly left Jaebum that voicemail and they talked about it later that night over the phone. They'd met when Got7 had pre-planning meetings for their new comeback and every time Jackson had seen him he'd sent Jackson this sad heartbroken look that shattered Jackson all over again every single time. He seemed subdued and quiet and Jackson knew it was all his fault. 

Which was why he was still lying in bed watching Jaebum fan cams of him dancing and playing stupid games with Yugyeom on stage and looking more like Jaebum Jackson was so in love with. 

He missed that Jaebum. He missed seeing that smile directed at him. 

Fuck. He turned off his phone and dropped it on the bed next to him before reaching up and running his hands over his face. _Stop it_, he told himself. _This isn't healthy. _

He hated it. This indecision. He knew what he wanted but he couldn't ignore that he knew all the reasons why he shouldn't have it either. It would be so easy to call Jaebum and beg for forgiveness, to ask for a chance to be together. But he knew the guilt that would come with that decision. Guilt that would ruin every touch and every kiss that would have otherwise made him so happy, because it could cause the collapse of something so important to all of them. 

But he couldn't keep waking up like this either, agonizing about whether his choice was right or not. Agonizing over this choice that was splitting his heart in two. It was the first thing he thought about when he woke up, and the last thing before he went to bed. He usually wasn't this indecisive. Once he made a decision, he stuck with it, no matter it's outcome. He'd always been a believer in learning from your mistakes, in doing better next time. 

But this? This he couldn't get past, could move on from like so many other poor choices he'd made. This _hurt_. What could he possibly learn from making himself this miserable?

He knew he was spiralling and he needed it to stop. He couldn't keep doing this. He needed to talk to his members about this. It was only fair, wasn't it? They weren't in the relationship, but they should at least be aware of it, of the risks they were going to be exposed to. 

Mark was Jackson's first choice, seeing as the older boy was in China for his own projects and Jackson could see him in person instead of just talking to them over the phone. He asked if Mark could come over, to see if he was overreacting. To see if someone else thought he'd made a mistake. To see if Mark would tell him that it was okay to want Jaebum. That it was okay to risk the careers of people he thought of as family for this.

Though when Mark actually rang the doorbell Jackson panicked and wished he’d called Jinyoung instead because he knew that Jaebum had told Jinyoung about everything whereas Jackson would actually have to tell Mark that he’d fallen in love with their leader and then rejected him so cruelly.

Mark frowned when Jackson opened the door, no doubt looking as miserable as he felt. He stepped in and wrapped Jackson in a hug, “What happened Jackson?” He asked, shuffling them inside so he could close the door.

“I think that I made a mistake.” Jackson confessed, leaning against Mark’s shoulder.

“Can you fix it?” Mark asked.

“Yeah… But it’s not really that simple.” Jackson said.

He felt Mark nod before he was released. “Come on, sit down and we’ll see if we can get you sorted out.”

Jackson exhaled, feeling marginally better already as he followed Mark into his living room, sitting on the couch next to him. He opened his mouth but then realized he didn’t even know where to start. With his feelings for Jaebum? Jaebum’s for him? Jaebum’s confession? Jackson’s rejection?

Jackson looked over at Mark. “Please don’t judge me.”

Mark looked surprised. “Of course not.”

“I’m in love with Jaebum." He said bluntly, taking in the way Mark's eyes grew wider in surprise. "But I always pretended that I wasn’t because it was just easier to hide it considering the industry we work in. But Jaebum went and told me he loved me too and then I acted like an absolute asshole because I was scared and ran away from him without telling him anything because in addition to being an asshole I'm also apparently a coward. I felt so guilty so I went back to Korea and tried to explain why I acted the way I did. We talked about how risky it is for not only be dating as idols but for us to be dating another member, how much damage it could do to all of our careers.” He looked at Mark desperately. “I told him no. I love him so much but I told him _no_ and I can’t figure out if I made the wrong choice. I want to be with him so badly but every time I think about calling Jaebum and telling him I made a mistake I think of you guys and how selfish it is of me to want something so desperately when it could hurt you all so much.”

Mark reached over and wrapped Jackson in a hug again, this one much tighter than the first one. “I’m calling Jinyoung. This is too much for me on my own.”

“Okay,” he muttered miserably into Mark’s hoodie.

“Hi Mark-hyung.” Jinyoung’s voice came a moment later.

“Hey, I have Jackson here and he’s having a crisis.” Mark explained, running his fingers soothingly through Jackson’s hair.

Jinyoung sighed. “Is it about Jaebum?”

Jackson lifted his head. “How did you know that?”

"Jaebum's been having something of a crisis of his own lately."

Jackson lifted his head. "What? I've been—" he cut himself off before he could admit to watching fan cams for almost an hour and a half that morning. "He seemed okay last time I saw him." That was a lie. Jaebum hadn't seemed okay at all. 

"He's almost as good an actor as you are Jackson," Jinyoung said sadly. "But he's hurting."

Jackson closed his eyes and leaned against Mark again. He didn't know why he was surprised. He'd _seen_ it, seen the pain in Jaebum's eyes when he looked at Jackson; he'd heard the sadness in Jaebum's voice as he listened to Jackson tell him why they couldn't be together. He _knew_ he'd hurt Jaebum. But hearing Jinyoung say that Jaebum wasn't doing well was hard to hear. Because it was Jackson's fault. Jackson supposed he'd thought that it was just Jackson's direct presence that was causing him pain, that Jaebum was just fine as soon as Jackson left to room. He only now realized how stupid that was. 

"I think Jackson is hurting too." Mark said quietly. 

"Sseun-ah," Jinyoung sighed. "I know it's technically none of my business but we all know I'm nosy so I'm going to ask anyway, why did you say no? I know what Jaebum told me and I get that, but is that really the reason? Because you're worried about us?"

Jackson sat up. "You both can't honestly sit here and tell me that nothing would happen to the group if the public ever found out about our relationship." He said. "I didn't think I was overreacting in trying to protect something that we've been working our asses of for for years." He said defensively. 

"Of course you're not." Jinyoung said. 

"But neither of you are idiots, nor are you rookies." Mark chimed in. "Jackson, you specifically know how to play this game better than anyone else I've met and Jaebum has been in this business longer than any of us—save for Jinyoungie. If you wanted to keep it a secret I honestly have a hard time believing either of you would slip so seriously that Got7 would be forced to disband."

"Mark's got a point." Jinyoung agreed. "Just don't make out on a Vlive and no one will be the wiser honestly."

"Maybe put someone between them at fansigns too." Mark added. 

"Dibs on it not being me." Jinyoung laughed. 

Jackson stared at Mark. "You two can't be serious." He said quietly. "You know what has happened to idols who had been caught dating, nevermind how Korea views same sex relationships. It's not Jaebum and I that I'm worried about, but staff or sasaengs… The reality is that it's not just lives and fansigns. We're surrounded by so many people all the time."

"So your solution is to make both Jaebum and yourself miserable?" Jinyoung asked bluntly, making Jackson wince. "Because as good an argument as that is, he's hurting and you're hurting and I hate seeing my friends in pain, especially when you both feel the same way. Watching Jaebum just wander aimlessly around the dorm is hurting me too."

God, how had Jackson managed to make such a mess of everything? 

Mark leaned closer. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you're happier this way."

Jackson raised his eyes to look at Mark only for Mark to raise a hand, grabbing his cellphone with the other. "No, wait, look Jinyoung in the eye and tell him you're happier like this."

Jackson looked at the screen to see Jinyoung looking at him with his eyes narrowed as if to find and signs of weakness. "Oh come on, you know of can't do that. Of course I'm not happy about this." He whined. 

"Then what are you waiting for?"

Jackson looked at both of them. "Are you telling me you're fine with me potentially ruining your career?" Jackson asked, wondering why he was arguing that this point. They were telling him it was okay. But he also didn't know if they were taking it seriously and Jackson desperately needed them to. This was too important to him for them to just make jokes about it. 

Mark simply shrugged. "I'm doing pretty well here in China."

"The reviews for my acting in my last drama were pretty good." Jinyoung added. 

Jackson stared at them, unable to believe what he was hearing, what the implication behind their words was. "You're saying you'd give up Got7 so that Jaebum and I can be together?" He asked quietly. They were taking it seriously now. And Jackson was in awe. 

"No one wants to give up anything." Jinyoung said. 

"Like we said, if you guys are careful nothing will change." Mark added. "But should something happen and should everything go south…" He trailed off, obviously searching for words. 

"We want the both of you to be happy." Jinyoung said. "And you make each other happier than anything else I've seen in all the years I've known you. We're saying that we'd risk Got7 for your happiness."

Fuck, Jackson was going to cry. That was exactly what he had wanted to hear. He'd been so desperate for someone to tell him that it was okay, that it wasn't wrong of him to want Jaebum the way he did. "But the others…" He said, knowing not all the other members of Got7 had something as stable to fall back on. 

"Let's call them and ask them," Jinyoung said. 

"What?" Jackson squawked. "No, let's not. Some of them don't even know!" He countered, reaching for Mark's phone to hang up only to have Mark grab his arms to stop him. Yes, his plan was to actually talk to all the members, but he needed to mentally prepare himself for that first. 

"They're going to need to if you make the right decision here." Mark said. "You can hide it from everyone else but you won't be able to hide it from us. You don't _need_ to hide it from us."

"What's up hyung?" Bambam's voice came through the speaker on Mark's phone 

"I want to ask you something." Jinyoung replied. 

"Okay."

"Thoughts on Jackson and Jaebum dating?" Jinyoung asked casually. "Dating each other I mean."

"Oh my god." Jackson whimpered softly, pulling his hands back from Mark to cover his face. 

There was a pause on the other end of the phone for so long Jackson was tempted to ask if Bambam had hung up. But then, "Yeah, that makes sense." Came through the phone. 

"What is that supposed to mean?' Jackson asked, looking up. 

"Oh, hey Jack. I dunno, you two just…fit. Make each other happier. Make each other better. Eye fuck each other from across the room when the other isn't looking."

"Oh my god," Jackson repeated. 

"Sorry Bro, you can't fight the truth."

"Jaebum asked Jackson out but Jackson said no." Jinyoung said. 

"What? Why?" Bambam asked. 

"Jackson is worried that if they're found out it will mean the end of Got7's career and he won't risk it for our sakes." Mark replied. 

Bambam was quiet for a minute and Jackson was surprised that he was actually thinking about it. "Eh, we had a good run. Go get him."

Mark sighed and dropped his face into his hand. 

"We had a good run?" Jackson echoed. "Are you kidding me?"

"It's not like I _want_ anything to happen to Got7," Bambam backtracked. "But if it means you guys get to be together then it's a risk I don't mind taking."

"Why?" Jackson asked, stunned by how willing everyone was to just throw all they've worked for away for a relationship that wasn't even theirs. 

"Love is a beautiful thing and if you're lucky enough to have the person you love love you back then who are we to stop you? You don't need my blessing or whatever but if you want it, you've got it. I'll be happy as long as you guys are happy; that's how families work."

Fuck Jackson loved his members. 

"Thanks Bammie." He said, hoping Bambam understood how much it meant to him. 

"Of course Jack. Let me know how it goes with hyung."

"I will." Jackson promised.

"Happy now or do I have to call Youngjae and Yugyeom too?" Jinyoung asked.

Naturally Jackson made him call the others too and their conversation went along the same lines as the one they'd had with Bambam. Youngjae was genuinely pissed that Jackson had told Jaebum no, that he'd sacrifice his own happiness, and Jaebum's too, for their sake. He made sure Jackson knew that watching the pair of them suffer and hold themselves back from something they both wanted didn't make any of the other members happy. 

Yugyeom was pissed they woke him up to ask if he was okay with something he'd been waiting for since 2016.

Jackson was stunned. Stunned and so, _so_ grateful to have people in his life who cared about him so much. Who cared about his happiness enough to risk something so important to them, but also for having faith that the two would be careful enough that it wouldn't come to that. 

He heard Mark and Jinyoung speaking but Jackson wasn't really listening to what they were saying. It was okay. He could want Got7 and Jaebum. He could _have_ Got7 and Jaebum. The risk would always be there but those who would be affected the most were not only okay with it but outright supportive meant more than Jackson would ever be able to tell them. 

He pulled out his phone and called his manager, determined not to make the same mistake again. "How soon can I go back to Korea?"

≪ ≫

Jackson stood in front of Jaebum’s door eight days later feeling a somewhat nauseating mix of nerves and excitement. On one hand the person he loved and wanted was on the other side of the door, but Jackson had caused that same person an unknown amount of pain and suffering because of his cowardice and indecision. Jackson took a moment to prepare himself in case Jaebum had decided in the month since the last time Jackson found himself in the dorm.

He knocked.

The door opened and Jaebum looked at him in surprise. "Jackson. What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk?" Jackson asked quietly. 

Jaebum just nodded, stepping back so Jackson could enter his room, closing the door behind him to make sure his cats stayed inside. "Is everything okay?"

Jackson shook his head. "I was wrong," he admitted. 

Jaebum seemed to freeze. "About what?" He asked, his eyes meeting Jackson's somewhat hesitantly. 

"So many things." Jackson said honestly. "I was wrong to run away from you without an explanation just because I was scared when you confessed in your studio. I was wrong to surprise you in your bed in the middle of the night—though to be fair it wasn’t the middle of the night when I first got to your room. I was wrong to reject you over a voicemail. My reasons for that were wrong too. I was wrong to be so willing to hurt you to protect other people. I was wrong to hurt you, to hurt both of us, the way I did."

Jaebum was shaking his head. "Your reasons weren't wrong Jackson. Your concerns are legitimate." He said, his expression pained. 

"I almost called you every single day to tell you I’d changed my mind." Jackson admitted, hating the bittersweet smile that crossed Jaebum's face. "Did you know that I called all the other members and asked them what they thought about it?" He asked, leaving out the part where Jinyoung had actually been the one to do it for him. 

Something like understanding dawned on Jaebum's face. "That would explain the weird giggling Bambam and Yugyeom kept doing yesterday whenever I looked at them."

"Do you know what all of them said?" Jaebum shook his head cautiously. "They all said they'd risk Got7's future for us. They were all so willing to chance a Got7 disbandment so that we could be together." Jackson swallowed thickly. "Bambam said it was what families did for each other."

Jaebum stared at him with disbelieving eyes. 

"So I thought to myself, if all of them are so willing, so _happily_ willing to risk Got7 for us then what the fuck was I waiting for?" Jackson stepped closer. "I know I hurt you and I honestly don't know if I have the right to even ask you this given all the shit I've put you through, given how much I've hurt you with my indecision, but I'm done hesitating now." He met Jaebum's eyes. "If you'll have me, I want to be with you. If you still want me, I'm yours." He said softly. 

Jaebum simply stated at him and Jackson felt his heart splinter more the longer Jaebum did and said nothing. Perhaps he'd waited too long. Been too indecisive. Hurt Jaebum too badly by inviting other people into a relationship that was supposed to just be theirs. 

But then Jaebum reached out and pulled Jackson against his chest, his arms vice-like around his shoulders as he held Jackson close and exhaled a shaky breath. "Jackson Wang I swear you are going to drive me insane one day,” he said, making Jackson wince. 

“I’m sorry,” Jackson whispered, resting his cheek on Jaebum’s shoulder. 

He felt more than saw Jaebum shake his head. “You don’t have to be sorry,” He said. “Did this last month suck? Yes. Did it hurt? Also yes.” He paused and his arms loosened around Jackson just a little bit. “It wasn’t easy when I realized that your reason for saying no was because you loved something else more than you loved me.”

Slightly panicked, Jackson pushed his way out of Jaebum’s arms, shaking his head. “No, that’s not—”

“I know.” Jaebum said gently, sliding his hands around to cup Jackson’s face. “I know that’s not quite what you meant.” Despite his words, Jaebum looked happy as his eyes roamed over Jackson’s face, a soft smile on his lips. 

“It wasn’t that I loved Got7 more than you, I was just afraid that my love for you would hurt everyone.”

Jaebum’s smile slipped a little bit. “I’m sorry…but I have to ask. Are you sure about this? You’re not going to change your mind about wanting this?”

Jackson shook his head. “No, I’m not. Not only because the members are okay with it, but because I _wasn’t_ okay with my decision. I’ve done a lot of things that I’ve regretted, but I’ve never struggled with a choice as much as I struggled with my choice to tell you no. Every day I’d find myself feeling lost, feeling uncertain and like I was drowning in all the ‘what ifs.’ I couldn’t keep doing that to myself. No matter how I tried to reason with myself, tried to justify it will all the reasons I told you a month ago, I just couldn’t give you up.”

Jaebum’s soft smile was back. “You won’t have those same doubts and what ifs about the group?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Jackson confessed. “Will I be worried about it in the future? Probably. I know that Got7 is important to all of us and just because I love you doesn’t mean that that changes. But I’m willing to take the risk. As important as Got7 is to me, I'm willing to risk it for you, for _us_.”

Jaebum swore softly before pulling Jackson back into his arms. "We won't let anyone find out." Jaebum said. "We'll let ourselves have this without comprising Got7. We'll be careful."

"I don't want anyone to find out." Jackson said honestly. "And it's not because I'm ashamed of you or our relationship, but as an idol so much of me, of my life, is public knowledge. I don't want anyone to know about us because I need something that's just _mine_.”

He felt Jaebum’s lips against his temple. “I’m yours.” He murmured.

Jackson closed his eyes, fighting back tears. How Jaebum could forgive him so easily was beyond him. Jackson literally made a mess of every single thing that had come up in their fledgling relationship so far. A part of him wondered if he deserved Jaebum, but a bigger part of him didn’t care. If Jaebum was willing to have him, Jackson was going to work a million times harder to stop fucking things up in their relationship. "I promise, from now on I'll never let you go again."

Jaebum simply chuckled. "Good."

* * *

**Lyrics:**

Did you wait too long? I'm so sorry

I've decided now, Are you ready

I know I've wandered for a while

Don't worry now, I'll never leave again

Every time you called, I wasn't there Silence

Don't worry, I'm here now, Shall we dance

Let's have a toast, take my hand now

From now on, I will never let you go

It starts now, just the two of us Romance

Are you ready? I'm ready

There's no fear, no hesitation

Let's go up up only our Love

It starts now, just the two of us Romance

Are you ready? I'm ready

There's no fear, no hesitation

Let's go up up only our Love

Never Ever

Never gonna let you go

I won't leave you again, don't worry

Baby you're mine, mine, mine

Never Ever

Ever gonna make you cry

I won't make you cry again, don't worry

Baby you're mine

Baby you're mine

As much as I've thought about it, I know for sure

All in I am betting everything

Deciding from now on and forever more

I'm yours, You're mine woh

Shall we take a vow Let's try it

Swear on our hearts Let's sign it

Get the ink, Get the pen

I have no hesitation now now

It starts now, just the two of us Romance

Are you ready? I'm ready

There's no fear, no hesitation

Let's go up up only our Love

It starts now, just the two of us Romance

Are you ready? I'm ready

There's no fear, no hesitation

Let's go up up only our Love

Never Ever

Ever gonna make you cry

I won't make you cry again, don't worry

Baby you're mine,mine,mine

Never Ever

Ever gonna make you cry

I won't make you cry again, don't worry

Baby you're mine

Baby you're mine

I was confused every night

I didn't think I could take care of you

But as time passed by

Surely, more clearly

I missed you girl

I kept thinking about

The way you looked at me

Baby you belong to me

Never Ever

Ever gonna make you cry

I won't make you cry again, don't worry

Baby you're mine,mine,mine

Never Ever

Ever gonna make you cry

I won't make you cry again, don't worry

Baby you're mine

Baby you're mine

I will NEVER EVER EVER,

NEVER EVER

I will NEVER EVER EVER,

NEVER EVER

I will NEVER EVER EVER,

NEVER EVER,I will NEVER EVER EVER,

NEVER EVER

  
**Lyrics By:**

Earattack, Yoogeun

**Author's Note:**

> And this concludes this storyline. I hope part two was everything you were hoping for and made up for longish wait. I honestly wasn't planning on making this AU into two parts, but literally like an hour before I posted Please Stop I was re-reading all the lyrics again and this one kind of hit me like 'holy shit, this would fit perfectly with a Jackson point of view at some point in the future' so then I decided to torture you and split it up. Again, I hope it was worth it. 
> 
> See you next time with You Are!
> 
> P.S: those of you who follow me on twitter already know this, but earlier this week was my one year anniversary as an Ao3 author. Somehow in the span of one year I managed to write 12 fics. Those twelve fics have accumulated (as of right now) 2406 kudos and have been commented on 333 times and bookmarked 218 times. We Meet Again is currently #26 among almost 800 Jackbum fics if filtered by kudos with 710 kudos which I honestly still cannot fathom. I know that I'm a writer and I have written over 150,000 words so far but I honestly can't think of any to properly thank you all for how much love you've shown me and my works. Posting my first fic was honestly just a whim and I never expected people to care about it or anything else I've come up with since. Writing always used to be something that I did just for me, to bring me joy and distract me from life for a little while, but hearing that my stories can make other people happy too is a whole other kind of enjoyment and fulfillment for me. So I thank you, ALL of you, anyone who has read any one of my fics, bookmarked it, left kudos or commented. I'm so grateful to all of you, I hope you know that 💕


End file.
